I hate failure.

2009 August 6 § Leave a comment

My name is Kadevi, and I am a perfectionist.

I always want things to go perfectly, exactly how I imagine it in my head. The speech will be magnificent; the meeting will be smooth sailing. No surprises on the exam (and if there are any, I’ll miraculously be ready for it!), and no nasty problems at work.

Is it wrong to be ambitious, to have high expectations for others, and higher standards for myself? I don’t think so. To me, mediocrity is a level I can surpass – aiming high gives me challenge, and aiming high challenges me. To learn new things, or to become better than I am [i]right now[/i]. That satisfaction when I succeed? It’s absolutely addicting.

I hate failure. It’s easy to forgive it in others, but so much harder with myself, because my confidence would have me believe that I can do anything, so long as I have the will and the ability. But I am not infallible, nor do I pretend to be. If life is all about failing, then where does that leave me? I recognize that failure is a necessary ingredient to progress and improvement, but… I still hate it.

But life is all about failing – failing, and picking myself up, learning from my mistakes, and moving forward. I suck up my pride and tell myself that next time? I’ll do better. I’ll be damned if the same mistake trips me up twice, after all.

I hate failure, but it makes me treasure and appreciate second chances than I think I might otherwise. Your trust in me is not misplaced – this is what I want to say. And I don’t like admitting that I failed, and need a second chance. (I’m actually not all that good with words in situations like these.) That’s why I’ll work my ass off to show this statement, and prove it with my actions. Look at my results, and know that you were not wrong to believe in me.

To everyone who has believed in me and given me a second chance – thank you. Your trust in me is not misplaced, and I’ll prove it to you.

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