2010 March 1 § 2 Comments
In life, there will always be crossroads.
Places where you see a fork in the road, and you have to decide: Do I go down the conventional path, or do I go where my heart tells me to go?
In life, there will always be what ifs and, sometimes, regrets. You can say that you have no regrets, but if you’ve ever wished that you’d chosen differently, you’d be doing your heart a disservice.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with regretting a past choice. It shows strength to look back and see when maybe you didn’t make the best choice for yourself.
Four years ago, it made my heart break to come to UCSD. So many times, I’ve wondered, what if? What if I had chosen my own path, the one my parents were adamantly against, and forged my own way? It is the filial Chinese daughter’s duty to do well in high school, go to college, graduate, and get a high-paying job – that was what my parents told me. Good daughters don’t go into the military. Good daughters, especially smart ones, did not become soldiers.
To them, going into the Marine Corps (never mind the fact that I was aiming to become an officer) meant that I wanted to go get myself killed in Iraq. I love my parents, but it was hard to reconcile my ambitions and goals as a high school senior with their stubborn belief that I wanted to cause them distress. But because I could understand how my choice hurt them, and because I was afraid to break out of the ‘Asian American’ mold, I declined a scholarship that would have taken my life in an entirely different direction. I came to UCSD.
Of course I don’t regret what I’ve experienced since then. MASA. Friends. SDAFF. Family. This is what I have found in my time here.
But I will always wonder what would have happened had I chosen the other path on that crossroads.
A few weeks ago, I came to another crossroads. And this time, I couldn’t do what my parents wanted me to do. They wanted the best for me, but their ‘best’ and my heart disagree.
When come to another crossroads, you have to make a choice.
I made mine, and I will never look back.